Life in alcohol addiction recovery wasn’t what I expected.
I had this crazy expectation that my husband would religiously go to Alcoholics Anonymous and I would go to Al-Anon. He’d work his AA program, I would work my program, and life in alcohol addiction recovery would be perfect. I even dreamed about hitting the AA/Al-Anon convention network, sharing the stage with the love of my life as we’d talk about our romantic (and dramatic) tale of meeting, separating, reconnecting, and recovering. I built this little bubble filled with dreams (and denials) and couldn’t wait to share our courage, strength, and hope with others in relationships affected by addiction.
In our first year of recovery, my little bubble started to burst. He relapsed, and I shoved the entire episode under the rug. When he continued to drink, I lost trust and became extremely resentful. I felt duped, he felt belittled and nagged, and neither of us were happy.
What I failed to realize is that life in alcohol addiction recovery is something I can’t plan.
My Higher Power is not my husband’s Higher Power.
My journey is filled with choices I must make for myself–not for anyone else. If my husband chooses alcohol over his sobriety, I have two choices: I can practice acceptance and continue with my program; I can enable him and try to control him; or I can walk away and rebuild a life apart from him.
I can’t plan what my husband’s addiction recovery will look like because I’m not the director of that show. My job is to do what I need to do to care for myself and maintain my serenity.
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