Caring for a newborn comes with constant worrying, self-doubt, sleep deprivation, and a whole lot of diapers. Although those first few months after a baby’s arrival can be filled with snuggles, sink baths, and soft, plush baby toys, the newborn period can also be incredibly stressful.
Multiply that stress by a thousand when parents are newly sober.
Recovering Moms
First, let’s focus on mom. There are unique challenges for sober mothers–challenges that don’t affect moms who haven’t dealt with addiction or recovery.
- Me-Time? What Time?
For many new moms, self-care goes out the window with constant feedings, diaper changes, baths, play-time, and erratic sleeping schedules. Psychology Today writer Sarah Benton explains that this lack of time for self-care is an especially dangerous obstacle for sober moms. It’s a feat to get some alone time, let alone go to counseling, group therapy meetings, or outpatient recovery programs. But not attending to their recovery puts moms in real danger of relapse.
How can we remedy this?
In the best case scenario, family members or trusted friends can stop by and help out while mom gets out of the house for therapy or to attend a support group. However, when that’s not possible, a new mom can practice mindfulness–an excellent recovery technique–in daily caretaking tasks. Though it may not seem like it at the moment, changing diapers and feeding the baby are incredibly meaningful acts that the mom can use as opportunities to be present, to breathe, and to let worries about the future or past fall away. The serenity prayer may also help support a mom during this stressful time.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- HALT & Hormones
If a mother is in addiction recovery, she is probably aware of the HALT acronym. When we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, our cravings for our vices come on strong. Since motherhood is often fraught with these feelings, the relapse risk can increase. In addition, postpartum depression and natural hormonal fluctuations can deepen those lows and delay the highs of motherhood.
How do we combat this?
When moms experience ongoing depression, loneliness, and/or an inability to bond with their baby, it’s best to find professional help. Contacting a therapist, even if all you can manage is online sessions from home, can provide the guidance and understanding needed to work through strong emotions. In addition, consult a doctor. A doctor may be able to offer supplements or medications to help balance hormones.
Support from others in similar situations is also crucial. One way to connect with others is to read about other sober moms’ experiences and connect with them online during the baby’s nap time. Many blogs offer encouragement and very useful tricks for dealing with things like colic, allergies, illness–you name it.
Recovering Dads
In many of the conversations about sober parenting and parenting in general, dads fall through the cracks. But a new father who is also newly sober has his own challenges and opportunities when it comes to parenting.
Fathers play an important role in postnatal bonding and care.
- Coos and Cues
Researchers at Boston University found that many dads battling against substance abuse disorders or dads who have recently gotten sober may have some trouble reading their baby’s nonverbal cues. For example, a baby turning their face away from their dad or putting their hands up may signal the need for some space, not more closeness. The inability to respond correctly or effectively to their baby may cause dads stress that attacks their self esteem or any residual feelings of guilt for their addiction.
How can a dad learn more about reading the signs correctly?
Reading and consuming material about childcare often helps many dads clear up doubts about what certain baby behaviors and movements might mean.
- You Would Be Missed
Many dads in recovery feel inadequate or may struggle with feelings of being unnecessary in their new baby’s life. This simply isn’t the case. Reports show that dads are likely to be physically active with their babies as well as engaging in play with them. Both of these actions are very important for child development and forming healthy familial attachments and beyond. Dads should be reminded of how important they are and that their sobriety is appreciated immensely by their babies, even when it seems they aren’t aware of it.
At Great Oaks Recovery Center, we understand the hardship that comes with being a new parent and the acute stress that accompanies parenthood when newly sober. That’s why we want to inform you about our Continuing Care Program. It’s designed for individuals who have successfully completed treatment and need guidance in their new independence. We offer both in-person and online 12-step programs, including relapse prevention tips and support as you strive to be the best parent you can be to your newborn.
